


Only When I Sleep

by lunardistance



Series: Levi/Eren Week [6]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Self-Harm, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-15
Updated: 2014-05-15
Packaged: 2018-01-24 22:21:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1619051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunardistance/pseuds/lunardistance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren's nightmares about being unable to escape his Titan form become a serious problem when he begins to hurt himself in his sleep.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Only When I Sleep

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the "Pain" theme for Levi/Eren week. Please take note of the tags and the summary as warning of this fic's contents.

The battle wasn't going well.

Even as he focused on pulverizing the head of the nearest Titan, he was aware of the bodies that lay strewn about the battlefield. A legless corpse here, a half-chewed body there, and over by the trees lay the torso of a blond-haired soldier – was it Armin? Historia? Commander Erwin? He didn't know, couldn't tell, had no room for grief with the rage coursing through him.

He felt the bite of dull teeth into his side, and reached down to grip the offending Titan by the head, tightening his grip until the head exploded between his hands in a splatter of flesh, blood, and smoke. But another one quickly took its place, and a three meter class soon clamped down on his shin. He was becoming overwhelmed, and no one was free to help him, not even—

"Retreat!" the command echoed around the battlefield, and Eren knew there was no time to waste, not with all the Titans swarming around him and biting into his flesh. He let his consciousness go, willing himself free of his Titan form like they had practiced.

But nothing happened.

Brows furrowing in confusion, Eren tried again, straining against the strings of muscle that held him inside his Titan form. Still nothing.

He tried to clamp down on the rising panic, but the terror eventually won over him. He could feel the Titans slowly consuming his flesh, the body collapsing as more and more chunks of it were devoured. No matter how hard he struggled, he just couldn't get free—

\---

Eren woke up gasping, heart thudding at a million miles per minute. He flailed around in the darkness, convinced he was trapped inside a Titan's mouth, until he realised that his limbs were trapped by the blanket that had twisted around his body.

He lay there for a few more minutes, shivering from the shock his body had woken up to, letting his eyes adjust to the dim light until he could make out the familiar corners of his room in the basement.

He thinks he has never been happier to see walls.

(Later on, he winces as the shower water splashes against his nape. His fingertips can make out a series of lines that seem to have been caused by human fingernails repeatedly scratching into the flesh.

He tries not to throw up as he scrubs at the flesh and blood trapped under his nails.)

\---

The nightmare was happening again.

They were in the same battlefield, but Eren could definitely make out the dead now. Sasha's lifeless body was flung over a tree branch, and Connie's armless corpse wasn't too far away. Jean was on the ground, blood trickling from his lips as he breathed his last, while Historia lay at an unnatural angle, discarded on the ground like a broken ragdoll.

Armin was impaled on a jagged rock, eyes once so full of passion now dull and unseeing. Mikasa, even undefeatable Mikasa, was torn into pieces, her dismembered hands still gripping her blades.

There was one more body he was looking for, one he also did not want to see, and yet he was powerless to do anything as he remained trapped in his Titan form. Each struggle that he made seemed only to seal him there even further, dragging him deeper into the flesh that he longed to escape.

"Help!" he wanted to scream, but his mouth was full of flesh and blood and _no, he wasn't a monster, he wasn't one of them_ the darkness suddenly gave way to light, and for one moment, he was filled with hope, hope that _that person_ had made his way back to cut him free.

But then a large, bulbous eye peered into the hole, and there was no hope left.

\---

"Mikasa? Can I borrow your scarf for a bit?"

She blinked at Eren, utterly baffled by his sudden request. He seemed uncomfortable, gaze darting everywhere but at her. "Alright, but is something the matter?"

If she hadn't known him for years, she might have been convinced by his attempt at sheepish laughter. "Nah, the basement's just getting a bit cold nowadays, so I thought I could use the extra warmth."

Something was wrong, and Mikasa knew it, even as she unwound the scarf from her neck and handed it over to him. "Surely you don't need to stay in the basement any longer. Surely they trust you by now. We could go and petition for—"

"No!" Eren cleared his throat, aware that his voice had been louder than was meant to be. "I mean, no. It's fine, really, Mikasa. It's just for a while."

Mikasa frowned, reaching out to press the back of her hand to Eren's forehead before he could stop her. "You're clammy, and you look like you haven't slept for days. Eren, I really think—"

"Mikasa, please," Eren whispered, meeting her eyes and holding her gaze.

She stopped, and pulled away.

\---

This night was the worst.

His friends were there again, but so was everyone he had lost before. Hannes, everyone who had died at the Tower, the previous Special Ops squad, Marco, Mina, Nack, Millius, Thomas, Armin's grandfather...

He was weeping now, pulling weakly the bonds that held him anymore. He just wanted to be free from the pain, free from this endless cycle that haunted him night after night.

He felt his Titan flesh being ripped away, and a grotesquely large hand pull him out of the nape. To his horror, he knew this Titan, could never forget this terrible rictus grin.

His mother's blood still stained its teeth, and as it opened his mouth and pulled him towards it, he knew his fate was to join her.

\---

"—ren! Eren! Oi, Eren, wake up!"

He started from his sleep with an unflattering snort, struggling for a moment before he realized that there was someone straddled over him, pinning him down to the mattress.

"If you're awake, say something," the familiar voice commanded.

"Captain?" he mumbled, feeling as though his mouth were filled with something that prevented him from speaking properly.

"Thank fuck you're finally up," Levi sighed, sitting back so that his weight eased off Eren slightly. "I'm going to get something to clean you up. Don't move a muscle or I will kick you back into place myself, got it?"

Eren gulped, grimacing as a metallic taste slid down his throat, and nodded.

Giving a short nod, Levi moved off of Eren and slid down from the bed. Eren watched as he made his way to a small table in a corner, and belatedly realized that the room was being lit up by a lamp.

Levi returned with the table and a small basin of water, from which he drew a towel from and wrung most of the water out of. "Sit up so I can clean all that gunk off."

Eren sat up gingerly, finally noticing the blood and skin trapped under his fingernails and the crimson liquid that dripped from his face and onto his bedclothes. He paled, wanting to cover himself up, but Levi had already started wiping at his mouth.

"Nearly bit your tongue clean off. Good thing you have freakishly fast healing," Levi muttered.

Eren couldn't even bring himself to reply, and let Levi wipe the tear tracks from his face before rinsing the towel in the basin and moving down to his hands.

He held his breath as Levi reached around to wipe at his nape, the towel moving gently over his skin.

Levi gave the towel a final rinse and left it slung over the rim of the basin. "You wanna tell me what's going on?"

His voice was mild, neither demanding nor judging, and it was this that pushed Eren to speak. Besides, Eren couldn't bring himself to lie when the man had caught him right in the throes of a nightmare.

"I've been having bad dreams lately," Eren started out cautiously, eyes focused on his fists pressed against his thighs. "I-I'm trapped in my Titan form, but I can't get out. Everyone's been dying around me and I can't do anything to help them. I can't even help myself. And the Titan that—the one that... that killed my..."

"Alright, brat, that's enough." Levi's tone was soft, taking away any of the bite his words might have had.

They sat in silence for a while, Eren trying to get a hold over his emotions again while Levi thought.

"We haven't practiced, have we?" Levi pondered aloud. "With the new squad?"

"Huh?"

Levi waved a hand vaguely. "Maneuvers. Working with each other as a team. The techniques to get you out of your Titan form."

Eren nodded hesitantly. Between all of the chaos that had erupted ever since the destruction of the Tower and the attempted kidnapping, there had barely been time to settle into their roles as Levi's new squad. He figured it made sense – although he trusted the new squad more since they'd been together ever since they were trainees, he had trained with the previous squad to the point that he trusted them to do good on their promise to eliminate him should it become necessary.

"First thing in the morning, then," Levi nodded decisively, and then prodded him in the side. "Now scoot over."

"Huh?" Eren repeated, bewildered.

Levi regarded him like a particularly slow child. "I'm staying here for the rest of the night. Can't do my duty of babysitting you if I'm floors away, now, can I?"

Still stunned but unwilling to argue, Eren moved over, allowing Levi just enough space to climb in next to him. Briefly, Eren thought it was a good thing that the Captain was so short; he knew better than to voice that thought out loud, but it made him feel a bit better, in a surreal sort of way.

Yes, they would practice. They would learn how to cut him out from his flesh; Sasha and Connie and Jean would stand guard to fight while the Captain and Mikasa would make the precise cuts to free him from the flesh and Armin and Historia stood by to support him as he regained his senses. And he would fight and protect them and keep them all safe and sound and alive.

"Do you want the pillow, Captain?"

"No, it has your blood on it. Gross. I take it back. You're changing that first thing in the morning, and _then_ we do maneuvers."


End file.
